HEY....

I saw your skull crack open,

In the midst of the fiery haze,

I saw your soul flying away

I saw your secrets been ashened for prey

What is correct when you see a dead person?

Do you cry or do you scream?

Do you close your eyes or do you weep?

I am so sorry, I wasn't there for more

The air was poisoned with all the tears I tore

Every second I didn't spend with you

I knew it would be my heart leading astray

But you can't help but not see the first death of your family

I remember how you used to laugh at all the silly tragedies

I remember how you used to make that face when you shout

I remember how you used to refuse to eat if Amma was out

Now, How can I let you go If I have nothing left to hold?

Now, How can I stand still if you were my only mould?

You were the light in my father’s life

You were the push in my mother’s strife

You were the king of a kingdom already broken

the peasants refused to live together on the land chosen

Now, you’re invisible and my hands became your captor

You have become water in my hands

You have become the sand between my toes

You have become the wind over my land

You have become the audience to my life’s show.

I left the chair, I ran to the door,

Barefoot, spikes bleeding through my feet

It wasn’t fair, that game, the game of treat

I had to see your face before you rode away

I touched your chest in a desperate prayer

“Please, just hold on, please, baba breathe

Fight, just one more time, please just don't leave me”

I knew that would be the last time

I would ever waive “hi”

I would ever say “goodbye”

But you became a butterfly,

and I couldn't catch you under the silver moonlight

But I saw you later, with your wings broken and pleated

draped in white cloth, your body became a show and I was seated.

But how can you be nothing but a frozen body?

But no, you can't be just a body, right?

You will be my babba, till all the time cries.

You didn’t intend to be here for that long

Those eight months left a choke so strong

The baggage so heavy traveled safely

At least it wasn't broken, not completely

A shrine of gold, you became my unfound hope

A lie of stone, I didn't know how you coped

But now that you travel up above in heaven

I walk the streets of prison alone like a felon

Nothing has been going good since you left

I keep falling down and down into your nest

I keep struggling along in your muck

Help me up, you might not be my luck

But I swear to myself, I will make you my god

But what do I know?

I don't intend on being here for that long.

When you see the fire light the wood

You see your soul fly away in the wind

You could see everything bleed into prescind

You cloud up my childish brain and stains

and I see all your days in front of everyone's gaze

I see all your laughs and smiles you did

I see all your news channels and love you filled

I knew you were my dad’s only saviour

Was going away some sort of a favour?

It all left a scar in my veins, a stain in my brain

I remember each and every moment like a burning pain

It's a curse I inherited from my dad’s family tree

I saw things that would have made God’s eyes bleed

I saw kids drowned in pulses of rice

I saw men drunk in ashes of the fire

I saw you clean the sins of every menace

I saw him contemplating the jump off the terrace

I saw you become that family’s only hero

I saw you when your pulse went 0.

Cleaned out your room today;

It's funny how each trace just vanishes away

A blue checkered shirt that you wore on Tuesdays

How you held my hand with two fingers

how you closed your eyes when I touched your forehead

your indigo sanitizer and the scent that lingers

your good ol pumpkin soup that made for a bedspread

I miss you, I really do

It's like a voice crack that never stops

a frozen sigh that never flows

you became my star and I became your lost life.

Like a car driving along the countryside

You became the wind along my face

And I became a red stain on your death day.

Why am I like this?

They feel the rose, I feel the thorns,

They feel the rain, I feel the storm

They feel the beginning, I feel the end

They feel the land, I feel its depth

It's how I entered this bountiful grave,

It's a maze of death, my eyes charcoaled

Is there an exit for my brain in this race?

I am not that smart, I can’t find the heart

I am not that pure, I can’t ever be sure of the

things that someone calls a thorn, others call a rose.

Is there anyone left for me to choose?

I can smile and let that be my demise,

I can fly and let that be my last sigh.

I can hide and let that be me being alive.