Where did I go wrong ?

Where did I go wrong?

Do I not deserve a hug?

Think I am just an accidental case of drugs.

If the world stopped spinning

Would I still feel like throwing up?

Where did I go wrong?

From holding Mama’s hand

While growing up,

To crying for it

While breaking down...

When will I get better?

Will I keep punching the wooden door?

Crying on the bathroom floor?

All that is is just a giant waste of time .

My eyes see clearly

But my vision's still blurry

Is it just me at 17

Stuck

In a rut

With people who don’t even give a fuck

About me .

To stand still in these neon lights

and talk to strangers without my guard up

oversharing incessantly

To get the help

That I never got from my parents.

When will I ever get to be me?

Will people still love me?

Why should I care?

I am just 17

But what if I die

at 18?

Am I just an attention whore?

To live in such glories of trauma

To swim in the blissfulness of karma

If it still even exists?

Do I get another chance?

To redo all of this?

Or am I destined to be a mess

I feel like a monster breathing

In an angelic dress.

Six more months till I turn 18,

I could finally leave this pathetic dream

How do I leave my mama behind?

Aren’t I her only chance to survive?

What if I go away

And she dies ,

Wouldn’t it hurt me

That she couldn’t hold me when I cried .