Lilac Clouds....

The saying goes: 'Blood thicker than water.'

Bond between the two brothers became overwhelming.

Falling from the purple skies,

To fall in your embrace,

be tied together in lace.

A trap that you laid.

It was a tunnel with no escape.

The worst ordeal I ever faced.

Your eyes as bright as lilies,

Your soul as somber as Judas.

The innocence at nine,

The sparkle that perished.

All unravelled in the storeroom as the clock struck five.

The mere lapse of mine was that I was nine.

The free reign that you had,

To call my lips your home,

To snatch me without a fight?

In my childhood's light,

Did it clear your mind,

That I was just a child,

Because who would even listen to my side?

The hand, yours.

The clothes, mine.

The tears cascaded into my ears,

The lips locked in a silent prayer.

A family that could never be my choir.

Was that night meant to delight my soul?

Locked so underneath me,

The only flaw in our tree: Even if I broke free,

My mind did not fly along with the breeze.

Under the flickering neon light

Of the storeroom filled with rice,

The love story that you decreed had to be mine.

How could we play hide and seek if I wasn’t even blind?

The entire episode, vague.

A faded memory that still stains my mind.

Oh my dear cousin stepping onto 18.

It was just that one night under the moon’s shadow.

Why did it weave into a fabric of pain that I could never unravel?

If you still wanted to feel my lips,

Why did you grace me with the touch of your fists?

The pain in my tummy; not from apples and cherries,

But from belts and beating.

For daddy, it was mere teasing.

How was he that blind?

Could he not see the swelling?

The memory, buried deep within

In the hindsight of the airplane ride,

It dawned on me, this wasn’t my first time.

A man had used me as a pawn in his love game.

My eyes now, desolate stars.

My frame now, lingering scars.

A broken piece of art, nobody puts in their cart.

Wishing to forget each inch of my body you scarred.

The rekindling of the fire that I had extinguished.

Every single step I take into our hometown

Makes for every memory in the sea I drown.

Why did you grace my neck with a parting kiss,

Reigniting the wreck I tried so hard to forget?

The storeroom had no space for my wishes.

For you, it was all nothing but a state of grace.

All a dark, twisted game,

Desire, your mystery's claim,

But the cost, my everything it became.

A piece of me, forever gone,

How in heaven's clouds do I linger on?

How to move forward, a kid so young?

Isn't this too heavy a burden to take on?

“I shed tears over nothing,” they say.

Do they know what it feels like

To breathe in your body but not belong to it?

The holes in our wings,

My lilac clouds, Your Raven’s song,

My tattered wings, their grace undone.

I fell where you belong,

You stayed,

Singing with the ravens,

Crept onto them and took flight in my darkest days.

Now that I am out of the tunnel,

The darkness that glimmers at the bottom of my puddle,

What if it blinds my two nieces that I call home?

What if my broken pieces cut them?

The fear that grows when my eyes catch them with

what yet could be just another man.

Will they ever know peace?

The pain that we went through.

I pray that they never get the same preview.

The promise of forever,

A union of fist, in the midst of the December's morning coffee brew.

My three sisters, that I need.

Oh Jesus, let me have them again, their hugs and kisses.

Is what keeps me standing, keeps me breathing.

But what if this is too much for their day?

What if they feel like I am repeating the same storyline every day in my head?

If I am supposed to be healing; Why do I still feel like I am bleeding?

Putting this out in public,

A frame that I am now done painting.

I believe I am too broken to be fixed.