My Heart Raided....

This room's so big

Bigger than usual

Or maybe it's just me

Why do I still feel like

I can’t breathe?

This building’s a notion

I don’t wanna revisit ever

Why are they so clever ?

If I am 'happier',

Why do I still feel like a loner ?

A thousand bodies in here;

Around every single one of them

I feel fear .

Sitting on those wooden chairs,

Combing your dry hair,

Why do none of them care ?

The dirty shirts,

The endless hurt,

Will I ever be the first?

Trying not to prove my worth

Even if I did,

I knew it won’t work .

The shine in me is gone,

The effervescence turned to stone,

The journey is long,

My friends , in the same race as me

Standing under the same tree

Think they are free...

Am I broken?

Was I the one not chosen ?

If this is my passion

Why do I question everyone’s reaction ?

My 4 friends I call home

Don’t need me at all,

For all I know

The jokes weren’t funny

To you it was sarcasm,

It made me heartbroken

How do you have that much power?

It took me years to

Build that tower

You tore like a flower.

All this talk

of destiny and hard work

made me frustrated,

Turned me into someone I hated

This building came in and

got my heart raided

They think I am the mastermind,

But I don’t even know

What to find

Wished I was a child,

Making up fights with the tides...

What if to my friends

I am just a piece of failure

To whom

They could show pity,

disguised as empathy?

Why do I overthink everything?

It might be because nobody

liked me as a child

Wish an FIR could be filed .

You ready to see my real side?

I tried

To be kind

To be the one

that everybody liked ,

But the one I didn’t like

Was the one in the mirror .

The Drop of tear in my eye

I did not allow to escape,

How could I?

I had been told not to cry.

They see my face

Those happy eyes,

The cherry lies,

How do I make my case?

I keep counting my days,

All this game is just a chase.

Don’t they know solace?

How do I find the time ?

Is breathing a crime?

Don’t I want to live a life?

Can’t lose the smile

What happens if they

See my real side ?

Can’t sleep tonight

Cuz if I might ,

I will fall behind

And lose my sight,

Lose my drive.

I don’t care anymore

Sleep is overrated

The worst that could happen

If I could get decapitated

Should I make my heart gated?

The pain’s not gonna get faded.

The cuts in my hand

Are a part of the plan

Just a means to get no sleep .

I don’t want to lose myself,

But this school’s the place

That’s gonna make me lose my faith .

The bloody veins have my trust,

If nothing else works

I could at least turn into dust.