Pages Burnt in a Diary....

Look, can you see?

There lies a childhood amongst the pine trees.

Children galloping down the stairs,

Father and mother cooking in pairs.

Stray dogs asleep with their tongues out,

Pigeons cackling on their way out.

The winds of cooler against my wet face,

Standing on the roof, a kid with his life at chase.

Air convincing him that the depths of his depravities

lasts longer than the jump to the ground beneath.

Nature’s bounty flourishes the smoke in their eyes,

Trees encapsulating the floor with white tiles.

The beam of light escaping the room of fathers,

Overwhelming it with its shadows of cloaks and daggers.

A kid dancing under the sun’s prowess

Now sits in the dark, contemplating the death of his own.

The dominoes of life, blood-drenched in ounces,

Standing, each on its own,

Falling into the arms of your Jesus

Leaves a stain on your barren soul.

Pages burnt in a diary, I finally get to recite…

11:30 PM, lying over the marble, white.

Blood seeping from my arms at midnight,

Curled in the arms of my own might.

Fingers tracing paths of silent pain,

Bruised echoes on my tear-stained terrain.

A soul drowned in a hollow pool here.

You left me to die right there…

My breath’s embrace had nearly gone,

The blue vein freckling at the queen’s pawn.

Nails pierced, crying over my stretched skin.

It was the first time a panic attack had unravelled within.

A lesson one learns the hard way,

You served me a silver platter of blood right away.

Once the sun sets and the darkness prevails,

I look back to the mess you made.

Words won’t be able to make sense of how you broke me,

A mere dream I wish this all to be…

A turn back, let’s go…

Oh! You forgot to make the bed,

It’s okay, I will do it.

In fury, words that creep out of your mouth

Tangle my tongue and teeth.

You feed me your worst nightmares, it seems,

Just to recite “I am one of your demons” in dreams.

I know you will kill me,

But at least let me make it to twenty.

Only you can see through my soul,

The music in my ears, only you can dance to.

The least I can do is carry you, right?

Hope, be it you or me,

It would never shine on this beige-painted creek.

Collusions of dust into my arteries, a pulse deafening.

You say, "You see the almighty once you die."

5 hours in your lap, how do you not feel me dying?

Oh! You forgot to wipe the floor,

It’s okay, I will do it.

1:30 PM, 2 water bottles clinking, white collars twisting.

He ran down the stairs, calling 100.

Your footsteps, marks on the sand.

Was he the ocean that made you disappear?

You went to find yourself, leaving us alone, twice already.

All 14 years, we became the grip of your umbrella,

But it was you who made the rain pour.

Now that all have drowned, what is stopping you now?

Oh! You forgot to clean the toilet,

It’s okay, I will do it.

You put your hands into the fire alongside me,

Check my burning forehead with your twisted fingertips.

You know, you did take care of me,

But the harrowing sights you graced my eyes.

A smile shining with red teeth,

An old death with blood on my hands.

A dozen roses suffocating your only remedy.

How is a kid supposed to laugh at such a tragedy?

Oh! You forgot to re-arrange your closet,

It’s okay, I will do it.

1:30 PM, two kids racing up the stairs with white collars twisting.

A lock broken, a room with the air thick with blood and bones piercing.

You were right there, such a body floating in peace midst of the flood.

Eyes consciousness’ lost in a world where family is bound by blood.

What were we supposed to do? Run for help or cry for your death?

One had to learn how to give CPR, one had to embrace your last breath.

You were gone for 5 hours, was it the god who denied you entry to heaven?

Come on, hold my hand, braven.

I know your last wish is to die, but sinners shouldn’t be allowed to cry.

Oh! You forgot to make lunch,

It is okay, I will do it.

A dotted line between your future and mine,

The one you see with the fishes flying over the crossing sea.

It’s just like the movies, you end up burying me under that old pine tree.

You see jewels in my eyes and I see darkness glimmer in yours.

I still feel it, when you embrace me in your arms.

The lies you were told, the pain you had to endure.

It’s just like the movies, you end up sick without a cure.

A four-walled room with a family portrait tilted on the wall yellow,

The one you see where all you can not hear are your bellows.

All the fights caught and all the weight you threw over me,

It’s just like the movies, the victim ends up guilty without a plea.

Oh! You forgot to make lunch,

It is okay, I will do it,

They say “There always is a choice”,

Riddle me this, a kid had to choose,

A mother dead or the one depressed,

Who shall it be? A sorrow or a scream?

A better road finally leading to peace,

Ambushed by a family tanking up to 6.

They say “The more, the merrier”,

A sister, losing grip of life’s breeze,

A mother's lost song, forgotten life's weave,

A father's dark storm, vices deeply cleave.

A sister, whose family made sure her dreams were just dreams,

They knew that if they played with fire,

The 2 kids would die with their eyes on the pier.

Oh! You forgot to live,

I will try to do it.

You, a glass stained by his black heart

With one mere push, the world you bore,

Cracked, crumbling, shattered to the core.

I held your hand, I carried you till the end,

Did you pause, just to catch your breath?

Your broken shards made my veins bleed

Left with a bandaid, sailing away in your tide,

As if it, too, refused to linger by my side.

Oh! You forgot how to breathe,

I know I won’t be able to do it,

I am the ashes of your fire,

I am the splatter of your rain,

I am the mud along your truck tires,

Mom, I am the cry of your shame.

We might share the last name,

But even God believes we never had the same face.