Rends-moi heureux et triste....

You see hair trailing down my back in a fishtail,

Tracing fingertips across my veined Blood Valley.

Two feet splashing blood, twisted and broken, tallied.

The scarlet stains on my hair from your footsteps implored.

Hey! My face that mom used to butter with s'mores,

How did it become your wooden floor, your feet and soles,

Tim, You have my heart, my body, my soul.

Scarlet Red, Aurora Blue, Paddy Green, Get Up, Sunny:

My wounds don’t need your slipped band-aids, Honey.

What my heart craves is what your heart makes.

I see that lavender light prime in your scarlet’s sight,

Summer rains in my eyes, you are all I have ever tried to find.

Tip-toeing around the shattered pieces of my heart

Where my eyes see blood, your hand sees power.

Your hand is the lace tying my veins.

If you leave, I might as well break into violins.

All those strings you keep picking into my eyes,

All the octaves and altos gracing my ears with your veiny lies,

I am yours and you are mine,

Come on! Let us ride….

Palms breaking into thumbs and little white ties,

Your servers bring me breakfast with a wrapped-up side.

A basement choked with gods who shed tears by my side,

A lair, just for you and your broken mind, It’s a low rise at times,

Sometimes powered by high tides, You get mad. Why baby why?

You can kill me if you get angry, my Sicilian,

Just lay close, our hands entwined, as I softly fade into oblivion,

You are all I have ever known, Your hands are all I need to live,

It is you and just you, Baby. Yes, 'I thrive while I die'.

Even if you chase me For all the wrong reasons,

I will fall into your Satan’s wings no matter what season.

Golden string frozen in the history’s pages.

I know, A man is meant to disappoint.

But the seas so prevalent in his eyes.

Surfing through his life, He made me his crime.

The court gave the verdict on a bluish Sunday,

You were found guilty, for loving me till my heart was ruined.

Mistakes abound each corner of such a world violet,

Push my head against the floor,

Aren't we meant to forgive and forget? Paint over the Scarlet?

Slap my mistakes out the door,

What a prejudice! How could he ever hurt me?

Smiles fading in the indigo’s spree,

A butterfly with its wings on the floor,

Floating while my waves meet your shore,

An addict with poison seeping into its veins.

At least let it smile while its life wanes.

Blood from my lips, Feel it in your skin, feel it within.

Blood, you like the way it flows from my arms to your lips.

Blood, you can’t kill a bird that's already been crushed.

Blood, you can’t hurt me when I have never been loved.

Golden waters, we swim through, my hero.

Red clouds we fall through, your patient zero.

Crystal salt streams split in half,

A rose-tinted cheek rested in the dark.

An ace played at my black heart,

Arrows slashed by your fingers in half.

A knife against the neckline shard.

A heart tore in half. Shout at me, Scream at me!

How does a heart learn to retaliate again

If it’s already broken by all the pain?

I feel your hand in my mouth, Twisting it around…

All the secrets spurting out my venomous teeth.

My past, present and future became a matter of your hands,

I can serve you all the tea to burn my skin with.

“Your chamomile tea is ready”, I won’t ever run away,

Why would I? My scars had never been nurtured or perceived,

I kept falling, throughout my life, I couldn’t find a single stop sign,

You’re the only one who caught me in his sinned arms,

You’re the only one who accepted my face, my body, my taste.

Am I too much to carry? Just a burden for you to marry?

You’re the only one who made me “his too much” for all you carried,

You’re the only one who has ever truly loved me. I can’t leave…

Who else could adore my roses seeped in vitriol?

Who else could ever love me?

Only you, You’re my ride or die….

Poets sang about their hometown in the Siena.

The birth of the Saint Caterina.

The summers spent alongside Lake Florence.

Butterflies singing, playing with the leaves under the Vine Maple.

Smiles outshone the sun with little kids going dipping in the local falls.

My eyes witnessed summers a little icy, Winters a little warm.

A childhood I can't seem to enunciate as happy.

But can’t convince myself to be my own twist at misery.

Mom? She never braided my hair, never called me her daughter,

Dad? He never tucked me at night, never called me his light,

David? He threw himself under the Blue Train, left to find the light.

Love? I don’t know what that feels like.

A hug? My skin, left untouched by her who was the first to see my eyes.

A kiss? My hand, left broken by him who was the first to teach me how to tie.

Once the night finally shines,

All the men by my side, veiled,

Past the wooden trenches, railed,

With their wooden knives and war signs,

Run from the love of their life.

Run from my pleaded sighs.

But you, You graced my skin as if it's yours to paint.

You felt my lips as if they were yours to sacrifice.

You made me feel the warmth of being your only saint.

You called me just to make me feel alive.

You gave me a drop just for it to be a sea.

You became my Romeo and I became your priest.

You left me leaves just for it to be a tree.

My love story became what my parents had never seen.

You fed me holy even if it were to be a poison seed.

You became my saviour even if it were to choke me.

You took me in your arms, even if it were to crush me.

It's not your fault you get angry when I cry,

A cycle you need to perpetuate through,

Originated from your parents and kept aside.

Why did you become friends with belts and slippers?

I can take the blood they shed on you.

Let me have the dust strained on you.

I will open my mouth and let your poison in,

I understand that they killed you from within,

A hollow soul, of course, you stopped feeling.

It's not a matter of pain but love.

Stop all you want, you will come back,

Because who will be there when you lose your mind

From all the missed trains and broken chains.

Running around in Downtown,

Couples under the silver moonlight,

You gave me your mum’s crown,

It shone the scars I had tried to hide all my life,

I had to give myself to you and just you, my sire.

Tim, you made me learn the truth of life, no fear.

Loving meant losing myself and deathly fights, right?

You should have what all I could find.

I saw Mum and Dad today, A white Volvo with velvet tires.

Told them, I found a man to spend my life and have my child.

Please, don't leave me, you are all in my veins and ties.

Do whatever to leave your mark on my sleepless nights,

Pick my heel and stab my eyes,

Cross my heart and hope to die,

Take the crowbar and split my life,

Make your hand my personal riptide,

Make my cheek your anger-relieving device.

Just don't leave me alone at night,

Take my body and make it yours,

Tim, it's very hard to love you.

You might be older but I feel like

I have known you all my life.

Rends-moi heureux et triste,

Rends-moi belle, folle, artiste,

Ne sois pas mon père, la part,

Comme mes yeux, salés, épars.

Summer, Autumn, winter that's all you look like,

Coffee sips and autumn crisp, Cinnamon and Clovers,

We both ended at the crest of your strife.

Our story won’t ever come to an end,

Your flaws bind my peace in the blue skies.

It's fate that your violence and my innocence rhyme.

It's all in my head no? The book has been finished.

But my brain keeps printing pages not meant to be.

The plane crashing at midnight.

The light bulb sinking in the night sky.

Left with the next step of making you my nothing.

Baby, let me see your face in the stars.

I knew of all your infidelities, all your lies.

I knew it all, but I had to glue my lips together.

I knew it all till the day you died on June 11th.

You are gone, What will I do?

How are my wounds healing but not my soul?

I am still here, staring across the cracked window.

Us, dancing with our ankles twisted,

Your hands are not there for me to feel.

Your belts, I can't feel their leather on my bloody skin.

Why did you have to leave, Tim? Why?

No baby, baby, baby, baby, I told you to kill me before you leave.

I had a bag ready and the casket to be buried.

No, You don’t get to leave. Not before me.

You made me inherit all your pain and violence.

What do I need to do to bless this one upon me?

I need you, I am so sorry, but I need you for me.

You, You, You were the only one who loved me.

How can I rest without your deadly schemes?

How can I laugh without your screams?

How can I cry without you smiling by my side?

How can I be alive without your wretched mind?